A Lonely Valentine’s Day Poem

Considering it’s Valentine’s Day, and I haven’t posted anything in a long time; I felt the need to make something now. Now I could write an essay about how love is crucial to life, and its importance in today’s world, and all of it would be true; except that’s not me (usually). So instead enjoy a collection of short, satirical, lonely, Valentine’s Day poem. Enjoy! Unless you’re alone like me… well enjoy anyway.

I would prefer it if you were a female.
I don’t care, I’m just waiting for the chocolate to go on sale.

While you’ll be in a carriage being carried with him.
I’ll be busy getting married… in Skyrim.

While I’m sure your Valentines Day will be filled with lovely moods and won’t be tragic.
I’ll be spending mine with two other dudes… playing Magic (the gathering).

Today you’ll be spending time with your significant other and getting your endorphin fix.
Today I’ll be stuffing my face with my one true love… Netflix.

I see this lovely couple cuddling underneath a weeping willow.
I wonder if it’s too late to invest in a hug pillow.

Today you’ll be giving your significant other sparkling pearls.
While I’ll be busy clicking my mouse and talking to anime girls.

Look at you reciting a poem about how much you love her.
Now look at me scrolling through my dash on Tumblr.

Late this night, when you’re with your lover, and you’re plowing them from behind.
I’ll be on my couch, in my underwear, watching Adventure Time.

I know today you’ll be gifting your favorite person their favorite candy.
I, on the other hand, will be spending all day with my favorite person… Left Handy.

The air on Valentine’s Day is filled with people experiencing the love and wonderful sensations.
While the air in my room is filled with the sound of castrating masturbation.


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