Random Thoughts

One day in an inspirational sports movie, probably a football movie, the phrase “bro, just do it, you’re too legit to quit,” will be said without the smallest shred of irony.

It astounds me that for decades progressivists have been pushing for the idea of acceptance and depiction in media of women of all shapes and sizes to little success, but “Dad bod” can obtain near absolute acceptance and praise overnight, in a society that already accepted the idea of men all shapes and sizes.

At this point new burgers made by chain restaurants should just be called “fuck you”.

Everything wrong with America can be summed up in the magazine section of a Walmart.

Stoner movies are stoner movies because they are made by stoners, featuring stoners, for stoners.

How will anthropologists summarize the damage that Twitter has left on meaningful communication?

The best thing to come out of fourth of July on instagram are actually good fireworks and star spangled bikinis.

The sanctity of the American flag was lost when we started butchering it for swim trunks and bikinis and we saw that as patriotism.

Why is there not a Code Geass mod for the Total War franchise?

Isn’t it weird that electronic music, a genre whose tools are essentially limitless in its production, is still bound by sub-genre distinctions?

Google+ is to photographers, what Myspace is to musicians.

If a white person with black hair and black person with white hair 69 each other, it should officially be called yin-yanging.

Lap desks were created for people who really hate trackpads and desks and/or really love their bed or couch.

I found a swastika carved into the side of a bathroom stall in a bookstore, how ironic.

I’d like to say I’m surprised at how much space American history, christianity, and military history (this includes WWII) gets at a Barnes & Nobles in America, but I’m so not at this point.

The feeling of parental disappointment you put on yourself when you get shit on your hand after wiping.

“Here I sit, brokenhearted
Came to shit, only farted.” Lovely bathroom poem I found on a bathroom stall wall.

If our phones were people we would have killed them ten times over.

To probably no ones surprise I like to write scripts for comedy sketches in my free time. I came across one of my sketch idea sheets and found the title “God Made a Slip Up,” and immediately thought to myself “Oh fuck what did I think of?” then “Damn I wish I could remember it”.

Samurai Champloo is what would happen if the Wu-Tang Clan became an anime.

College promotional videos are the most masturbatory things to watch just short of pornhub.

College are just adult daycares.

Isn’t it funny how the country music community prides itself on being separate, “superior” because of where it comes from, being very distinct, “conservative”, and attached to christianity, when the country music industry is steadily borrowing more and more aspects from Hip-hop, Rap, and pop.

You’ve never felt grosser than when you’re semi-wet, some what sweaty, and you just got done taking a shit.

It’s funny how the qualification for friends for little kids is “oh hey we are similar heights.”

The people who are best at describing things, are the people who write for the dictionaries.

Music videos are usually if not always incredible stupid.

Rain is nature’s shower.

The study of medicine is essentially figuring out ways to hack your body.


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